dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
