You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She tied me up with her honor cords...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
