I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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