Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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