Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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