im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
