in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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