Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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