watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
