just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
