Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
