my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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