we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
