I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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