I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
