Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
