I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
