i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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