watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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