Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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