I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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