I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
