I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
