Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
