I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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