I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
