Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
