i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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