He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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