Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
