I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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