took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
