apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
