FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Terrible idea I love it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
