His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
