think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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