the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
