He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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