There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
