Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
MIDGETS
????
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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