never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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