he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize