"it" just moved
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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