So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize