i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
