I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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