It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
