He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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