honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
