And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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